Permission to save your Marriage

There was this wife whose husband left her for another woman when she was four months pregnant with their fourth child. She was a young, beautiful, Christian, woman with a gentle spirit, and she seemed to be a model wife.

It was clear that the ordeal was painful for her. Her baby is only seven months old at the time she shared her story, so naturally her wounds were still fresh. However, I was impressed by the fact that she wrote a letter to the other woman to express her pain, which I thought was good for her healing.

In the letter she was not mean or rude at all, she was just honest. She told the woman about her pain and her crushed dreams of not getting to be happily married for life, and she asked the woman how she could feel o.k. about taking a man from his family, and she told the mistress that she herself deserved better than a man who would walk out on his wife and children.

I agreed whole heartily and I truly think that as women we must not only have love and good wishes for ourselves, but for other women as well, and it takes God to help you with that.

In a desperate attempt to save her marriage, the woman admitted that she grabbed her husbands ankles as he was leaving her, and begged him not to go.
This statement caused her to be judged by many who heard her story, particularly women who were single and who had never been married. They made it seemed like she made a fool of herself by doing that.

I'm sure that the sighs and looks caused the woman to feel emabarrased, and to question her self worth. Upon seeng that I decided to write this entry because there are so many women who allow themselves to be influenced by the comments of others when it comes to making decisions concerning their marriage and I think that is the worst thing a married woman can do.

Now I know realize being in a state of desperation is not a pretty sight, and it's very sad to imagine this woman being pregnant, and drug down the hallway as she held on to her husband, crying for him to stay, BUT because it was her marriage, as far as I'm concerned, as a wife, she reserves the unquestionable right to do what ever she felt necessary in order to feel satisfied that she had done all that she could do to make it work, since it obviously meant that much to her.

I think that too many times in marriages people feel pressure from others to make decisions to "save face" rather than to communicate what is truly in their hearts.

No one is in position to tell any married person what is too much concerning fighting to keep their marriage. Marriage is not dating. There is much more invested, and much more to loose.
The promise is for better or for worse, and some people say that and actually mean it, therefore they are willing to humble themselves and work it out. That should be commended not criticized.

I was proud to see that she did do something. She didn't just stand there and hand him over. I think that with the high epidemic of infidelity, some wives must be making it way too easy for women to waltz off with their husbands.

The marriage vows say "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
It is off limits for any of us to condemn or harshly judge someone for loving their spouse unconditionally, that's what they are supposed to do.

Marriage is sacred and holy and anyone bold enough to put themselves in the middle of what goes on between a man and his wife is putting themselves at odds with God, and that includes everyone from the condemers to the other man or the other woman.

The point that I really want to share with married women is, when it comes to your marriage you have the right to want it, and fight for it, even when it's imperfect.
You have the right to forgive your cheating spouse and take them back if you want to.
It is your decision and you don't have to explain it to anyone.

There is no such thing as looking stupid when it comes to your husband.
You look stupid when you fight for your boyfriend of 20 years, not the person you promised your life to for better or for worse.

If you loose, and he still walks away and leaves you, at least you can rest in knowing that you gave it your best, and you kept your end of the marriage agreement.

In the case of this woman, every one was looking at the fact that her husband cheated on her. They felt he was no good, and she should let him go. But that woman was looking at all of the love she had for him, her dreams for their future, and the fact that she had four children with that man.

She was looking at the investment of her time, her love, and her life. If in her mind all of that was worth begging and pleading for, then by all means she should have done what she felt she had to do. Even though things didn't turn out the way that she had hoped, she still doesn't have to justify herself to anyone, especially those who try to minimize the beauty of marriage by saying it never works. Those are the people who lack the courage to try it, because they are afraid to fight for what they are worth.

Shopping Addiction is Really Discontentment!

I saw this woman on television today who had a shopping addiction. She and her husband were in nearly $140,000 worth of debt. He made a good living and they had decided that she'd be a stay at home mom and raise their six children. They lived in a really elegant home in a lovely community in California, and according to his income, the money was there to support their life styles, it was just poorly managed.

The problem was she would shop continuously to buy things that they didn't need. On top of that she had a passion for having yard sales which made her the star of the neighborhood, because she sold valuable, barely used, items for less than a fraction of their costs.

She also spent money to the tune of two to four thousand dollars for things like birthday parties for the kids and artistic paintings on the walls of her home. All that luxurious spending, and there was no health insurance for herself , her husband, or their six children.

It was hard to believe that she had six children because she was in terrific physical condition and everything from her hair to her clothes was as well groomed as any of Hollywood's elite.

Her husband had given her control of the money even though she was clearly out of control, and frankly in spite of it all, I could appreciate the fact that she was able to openly admit that she had a problem and she was indeed asking for a solution.

I always think that no matter what a person's dilemma, if they are humble enough to ask for help and listen for a solution from a qualified source, then people should cease to judge.

The financial expert who was there to help had already analyzed their situation and decided that they were in crisis and they needed to immediately sell their home, move to a less expensive state, and that she should get a job at Starbucks to assist with her latte indulgence, and their family's need for health insurance.

I thought it was good that the financial expert had a plan for them to get out of debt, however, I could not help but feel that even though they had a step by step plan to move in a better direction, they needed to identify why she wanted to self destruct in the first place, or she would just repeat the same process in the new city.

These days experts offer solutions by telling people the proper procedure to produce a certain desired result, and sometimes that is the answer. Sometimes people are in bad situations because they simply don't know the correct way to achieve their goals.
However, in the case of this couple I don't think that not knowing how to budget was their family's biggest and most urgent problem.

From looking at the situation, I thought that the woman like so many people was just discontent and simply hated her life.
She was a glamorous and beautiful woman who obviously placed a lot of value on how she looked. Her husband was an ordinary looking guy, who I'm sure loved her because she was so beautiful, that she made him look better just for having good taste. She was perfectly fit, and he was super average, but neat and clean.

He obviously was willing to work hard and give her access to everything he had, and it seemed as if she took his money and tried to buy enough excuses to justify being with a man who she cared about, but had no passion for.

He could clearly see her destructive spending, but I'm sure he was afraid to confront it, because he really didn't want to do anything that might cause him to loose her, because she is his prize because of her beauty. but the embarrassing debt that her spending had gotten them in was causing some visible resentment from him.

I know that women can be attracted to and fall in love with a man who is not necessarily physically their type, if the guy has other qualities, like being a good provider, a good protector and a good leader, but if he lacks "the look", and he lacks a backbone, there is nothing sexy about that. So I'm sure he is turning her off, and that can make for an unfulfilled and unhappy marriage, which I'm sure explains her need to get high from shopping. I think they could definitely benefit from some counseling where they both can be honest about what they need from each other in order to stay inspired to be married.

The good news is that through her shopping addiction, she discovered her passion to sell things, She said that on the nights before her yard sales, she gets so excited that she can't sleep.
She has her sales about four times a year, and she goes so far as to strip every one's closets almost bare in order to have merchandise. After she sells every one's clothes in the house, she uses her credit cards to buy them new clothes which they wear for a while until she sells them at the next yard sale. All of that screams to me that buying and selling is her passion, and that's what retail store owners do. I think she needs to go into business and own her own high end retail store.
She even looks like she would do something exactly like that for a living.
From what I could see, they did need a financial plan to help correct some of the damage that has been done to their wallets, and to help them prioritize their spending, but they also need to dig a little deeper to find and examine the root of their self-destructive behavior as well.
Accepting Jesus Christ as you Lord and Savior, and asking God to forgive you of your sins and come into your life and guide you into becoming the person who He created you to be, is the key to discovering the true desires of your heart. Without knowing our true desires we will create miserable lives for ourselves, and we will subconsciously do things to destroy that life we've built on our own, because it won't be what we truly want. Learning helpful procedures are good but you won't be able to keep them up until you get to the root of why you are unhappy, and only God can help you with that!