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Friday, October 19, 2007

Permission to save your Marriage


There was this wife whose husband left her for another woman when she was four months pregnant with their fourth child. She was a young, beautiful, Christian, woman with a gentle spirit, and she seemed to be a model wife.

It was clear that the ordeal was painful for her. Her baby is only seven months old at the time she shared her story, so naturally her wounds were still fresh. However, I was impressed by the fact that she wrote a letter to the other woman to express her pain, which I thought was good for her healing.

In the letter she was not mean or rude at all, she was just honest. She told the woman about her pain and her crushed dreams of not getting to be happily married for life, and she asked the woman how she could feel o.k. about taking a man from his family, and she told the mistress that she herself deserved better than a man who would walk out on his wife and children.

I agreed whole heartily and I truly think that as women we must not only have love and good wishes for ourselves, but for other women as well, and it takes God to help you with that.

In a desperate attempt to save her marriage, the woman admitted that she grabbed her husbands ankles as he was leaving her, and begged him not to go.
This statement caused her to be judged by many who heard her story, particularly women who were single and who had never been married. They made it seemed like she made a fool of herself by doing that.

I'm sure that the sighs and looks caused the woman to feel emabarrased, and to question her self worth. Upon seeng that I decided to write this entry because there are so many women who allow themselves to be influenced by the comments of others when it comes to making decisions concerning their marriage and I think that is the worst thing a married woman can do.

Now I know realize being in a state of desperation is not a pretty sight, and it's very sad to imagine this woman being pregnant, and drug down the hallway as she held on to her husband, crying for him to stay, BUT because it was her marriage, as far as I'm concerned, as a wife, she reserves the unquestionable right to do what ever she felt necessary in order to feel satisfied that she had done all that she could do to make it work, since it obviously meant that much to her.

I think that too many times in marriages people feel pressure from others to make decisions to "save face" rather than to communicate what is truly in their hearts.

No one is in position to tell any married person what is too much concerning fighting to keep their marriage. Marriage is not dating. There is much more invested, and much more to loose.
The promise is for better or for worse, and some people say that and actually mean it, therefore they are willing to humble themselves and work it out. That should be commended not criticized.

I was proud to see that she did do something. She didn't just stand there and hand him over. I think that with the high epidemic of infidelity, some wives must be making it way too easy for women to waltz off with their husbands.

The marriage vows say "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
It is off limits for any of us to condemn or harshly judge someone for loving their spouse unconditionally, that's what they are supposed to do.

Marriage is sacred and holy and anyone bold enough to put themselves in the middle of what goes on between a man and his wife is putting themselves at odds with God, and that includes everyone from the condemers to the other man or the other woman.

The point that I really want to share with married women is, when it comes to your marriage you have the right to want it, and fight for it, even when it's imperfect.
You have the right to forgive your cheating spouse and take them back if you want to.
It is your decision and you don't have to explain it to anyone.

There is no such thing as looking stupid when it comes to your husband.
You look stupid when you fight for your boyfriend of 20 years, not the person you promised your life to for better or for worse.

If you loose, and he still walks away and leaves you, at least you can rest in knowing that you gave it your best, and you kept your end of the marriage agreement.

In the case of this woman, every one was looking at the fact that her husband cheated on her. They felt he was no good, and she should let him go. But that woman was looking at all of the love she had for him, her dreams for their future, and the fact that she had four children with that man.

She was looking at the investment of her time, her love, and her life. If in her mind all of that was worth begging and pleading for, then by all means she should have done what she felt she had to do. Even though things didn't turn out the way that she had hoped, she still doesn't have to justify herself to anyone, especially those who try to minimize the beauty of marriage by saying it never works. Those are the people who lack the courage to try it, because they are afraid to fight for what they are worth.

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